What you need to know about Boundaries

There’s a misnomer that teenagers don’t respond well to boundaries. Yes, they may not like them and complain about them, but more than ever teenagers need to know where the edges are. I am a strong believer in giving teenagers freedom that they earn and demonstrate that they are ready for. If we micromanage their lives, they leave at 18 and unable to make healthy choices, given a new responsibility that they are not prepared for. Have them fall on their face while they are at home with you where they are safe and supported. At the same time, clear boundaries teach them self respect.  As they get older, these boundaries expand as they prove that they can handle the level of responsibility that accompanies the privileges they earn .

 

boundaries

 

A pickle lots of new age parents get into is letting their children run free. They want them to be independent and make all their own choices. These children will come to boss their parents around, because

 

…in the parent child dynamic someone needs to be alpha. If you’re not up for the task, your toddler or teenager will step up. But contrary to how it looks, they don’t like it. If your child is bossing you around, that means you are not being clear enough about your boundaries.

 

This could be how they address you and make requests all the way to where they can go and when. Kids aren’t born considering us. It’s our job to teach them with patience and kindness. And how can we coach them to consider us? Through practice!!! By telling and SHOWING! This is revolutionary folks. I have witnessed so little showing in my short little 35 years on the planet. We will go on and on with children about what they should do but we don’t show them in real time. Show them in gross detail what behavior and actions you’d like to see happen. It requires an extra minute but I guarantee you will love the results. Most of us learn by doing, not by being told what to do. Make it muscle memory.